Celebrity Apprentice Finale Recap - March 28, 2008

Fierce Piers Morgan knocked country singer Trace Adkins out of his chair and won The Celebrity Apprentice by a mile.

To begin, it was a no-brainer; the guy blew away the competition easily by calling his big-time, very rich connections like Simon Cowell, the Duchess (the real Duchess), Gordon Ramsay, and Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean nobody could touch this Brit.

And I don't know why everyone was calling him evil; I thought he played the game in a fantastic way, without hurting anyone. And gorgeous Carol Alt agreed. She's beautiful and bright.

And Trace attacked Piers in the boardroom by saying he was badmouthing his donors, but he did nothing of the kind. I guess country boys don't understand big words and make the assumption that whatever is being said is negative.

Omarosa made an ass of herself all over again and choked under the pressure when The Donald asked her why she hated Piers; "He has really bad teeth." Well, she has really bad comebacks. And when Piers asked "Sorry, what was your name again?" She replied with "That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing." Oh yeah, great comeback. Loser.

Anyway, the funniest part of the show was watching Trace try to cater to the Backstreet Boys (hereto referred to as Diva Boys) demands for wheatgrass juice, black nailpolish and other stupid things that only punks would ask for. He cracked me up everytime he spoke to the camera. Here's a gem: After meeting with the Diva Boys to let them know that there's only one room that they would have to share with the band, he says, "I knew then I was dealing with a group of kids that were just gonna bust my balls all day."

Finally, after a performance by Trace, which, by the way, I thought was wholly inappropriate, Donald decided that Piers was, indeed, the man. But to be honest, if Piers didn't choose the charity he did, there's no way he would've won after Trump kept saying, "good vs. evil, the UK vs the USA." Loser. Anyway, one has to wonder if even Piers' selection of charity was a chess move.

Donald Trump donated $250k to the winner's charity, what a cheap ass.